State Weekend Round Up
Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Boy oh boy was it a weekend to remember you guys. I want to take a minute to thank everyone for collecting quotes and stories to put here. We've already all heard most of them, but I hope that when you go back and read these, it puts a smile on your face.
Our last post was on Friday morning and covered topics from the day before. That means that we have two whole days of ridiculousness to dive into, let's get started.
At some point on Friday, a baseball showed up in the tent, and our resident could-be-a-major-leaguer-if-he-wanted-to took the chance to turn it into a good ol fashioned pissing contest.
"Larkin, working with baseballs is my JOB. I'm 100% sure that this isn't a legitimate size baseball"
Pictured: A not legitimate size baseball.
I can confirm, the baseball was much smaller than this.
It's hard to put into words just how horny Presto was throughout the trip. Clearly anxious from not receiving a hand job from Troy in their bed, he turned to anything he could get.
"That guy's legs aren't even that good"
Surprise! They were his own.
The horniness didn't end there:
Katie: "You know if we play strip poker there will be girls in the room"
Preston: "Well that's exactly the point."
*Group of Kickapoo girls walks by*
Preston: "Man I'm going to be busy this summer... Next year I'll be back here like: I fucked you, I fucked you, and I fucked you"
There was also another point where while Troy was in the shower on Friday night, and I was unpacking my bag from the day, I looked up to see Preston standing completely nude by the sink, on his phone. I quickly looked away, and 30 or 40 seconds later looked up to see if he was still there, only to see the other side of a large pile of hairy cottage cheese sculpted into the shape of a man.
Pictured: An actual photograph of Preston nude.
Back in the tent poverty boy was not happy with our provided amenities.
"Man, screw this $2,000 dollar tent, we need that huge tepee so we can play basketball in it."
Just saying, Preston could probably play in the NBA if he wanted to. However...
"My little sister is the most athletic person in the family."
That's a pretty steep claim coming from a future D-1 athlete himself.
We also got a glance into just how clouded Presto's view of his own love life is:
"It is the easiest thing in the world to kiss a girl."
"Put any guy with the right girl and he will turn into a freak."
All I have to say to that is...
For someone who is so confident about girls, Presto has a very poor view of his own body image..
"I don't weigh much, but I'm fat"
"I can stick my stomach out insanely far"
Also, since I'm sure everyone is wondering:
"I was chaffing so bad during the 800, I really needed baby powder."
On a serious note, he really is just a large, hairy, pale baby.
I know I've probably left a million things out. It would be impossible to include everything he said over those two days in one blog, since almost every word that comes out of his mouth is worth laughing at. I'm going to leave you with two of my favorite pictures from the weekend.
Long live Track Pack.
Our last post was on Friday morning and covered topics from the day before. That means that we have two whole days of ridiculousness to dive into, let's get started.
At some point on Friday, a baseball showed up in the tent, and our resident could-be-a-major-leaguer-if-he-wanted-to took the chance to turn it into a good ol fashioned pissing contest.
"Larkin, working with baseballs is my JOB. I'm 100% sure that this isn't a legitimate size baseball"
Pictured: A not legitimate size baseball.
I can confirm, the baseball was much smaller than this.
It's hard to put into words just how horny Presto was throughout the trip. Clearly anxious from not receiving a hand job from Troy in their bed, he turned to anything he could get.
"That guy's legs aren't even that good"
Surprise! They were his own.
The horniness didn't end there:
Katie: "You know if we play strip poker there will be girls in the room"
Preston: "Well that's exactly the point."
*Group of Kickapoo girls walks by*
Preston: "Man I'm going to be busy this summer... Next year I'll be back here like: I fucked you, I fucked you, and I fucked you"
There was also another point where while Troy was in the shower on Friday night, and I was unpacking my bag from the day, I looked up to see Preston standing completely nude by the sink, on his phone. I quickly looked away, and 30 or 40 seconds later looked up to see if he was still there, only to see the other side of a large pile of hairy cottage cheese sculpted into the shape of a man.
Pictured: An actual photograph of Preston nude.
Back in the tent poverty boy was not happy with our provided amenities.
"Man, screw this $2,000 dollar tent, we need that huge tepee so we can play basketball in it."
Just saying, Preston could probably play in the NBA if he wanted to. However...
"My little sister is the most athletic person in the family."
That's a pretty steep claim coming from a future D-1 athlete himself.
We also got a glance into just how clouded Presto's view of his own love life is:
"It is the easiest thing in the world to kiss a girl."
"Put any guy with the right girl and he will turn into a freak."
All I have to say to that is...
For someone who is so confident about girls, Presto has a very poor view of his own body image..
"I don't weigh much, but I'm fat"
"I can stick my stomach out insanely far"
Also, since I'm sure everyone is wondering:
"I was chaffing so bad during the 800, I really needed baby powder."
On a serious note, he really is just a large, hairy, pale baby.
I know I've probably left a million things out. It would be impossible to include everything he said over those two days in one blog, since almost every word that comes out of his mouth is worth laughing at. I'm going to leave you with two of my favorite pictures from the weekend.
Long live Track Pack.
Comments
Post a Comment