Is Preston Poor? An Investigation
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State Weekend Round Up
Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Boy oh boy was it a weekend to remember you guys. I want to take a minute to thank everyone for collecting quotes and stories to put here. We've already all heard most of them, but I hope that when you go back and read these, it puts a smile on your face. Our last post was on Friday morning and covered topics from the day before. That means that we have two whole days of ridiculousness to dive into, let's get started. At some point on Friday, a baseball showed up in the tent, and our resident could-be-a-major-leaguer-if-he-wanted-to took the chance to turn it into a good ol fashioned pissing contest. "Larkin, working with baseballs is my JOB. I'm 100% sure that this isn't a legitimate size baseball" Pictured: A not legitimate size baseball. I can confirm, the baseball was much smaller t...
MONOPOLY
Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Last night wasn't as crazy as we would have hoped, but luckily sharing a room with Preston does have its benefits if you happen to write a blog about stupid stuff he says. "I've played monopoly for two days before. Me and my brother and cousins stayed up two days last summer and played monopoly." World record for the longest game of monopoly is 46 days. So not quite there yet Presto. Its not hard to play monopoly for two days straight though when you don't eat meals. "I watch sports that no one else would think of watching like cycling. You're gonna see me tonight Troy watching cycling in bed." *proceeds to scroll through his YouTube subscriptions* "Look at this, DudePerfect (lmao), Cycling, Cycling, and more Cycling" He did proceed to watch something (porn, cycling, woman...
I Like My Beds Small Like I Like My Soccer Players
Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Today was our last practice of the season (fortunately? Unfortunately?) Which means this blog will probably not last much longer. Sad! Today, while the trainer was wrapping his foot, we started discussing Cameron not coming to the meet. As you may know, I have the PLEASURE of sharing a room with Preston, Troy, and the former Cameron Mansker. (No disrespect to the OG Troy) Preston then went on to ask me if I wanted my own bed. Jokes on him because I was getting my own bed the whole time regardless of who was going. After I explained to him that OBVIOUSLY I was getting my own bed, he began to explain why he didn't want a bed to himself… “Yeahhhh I can't even sleep in a bed that big. It's just too big. I'm so used to sleeping in a small bed at home that I don't need a bed to myself. Last year at state the b...
The Robots are Coming and NO You're Not as Sweet as Preston's Mother
Tuesday May 23, 2017. Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Full disclosure, you will probably want to take a shower after reading this post. Today we'll be doing a FULL breakdown of a happy birthday message book sent by Presto himself to his current romantic interest. We would like to ease your worries; no sane woman (or man??) has any feelings for Presto. Before we start our breakdown, we need to appreciate the romantic genius that this man "man" possesses. Rather than telling this girl happy birthday ON her actual birthday (this is a thing of the past my friends, please, get with the times) he decided the best course of action was to wait until 12:24 A.M the following morning/night. Anyways, lets get started. Before I start I wanna say no I didn't forget about wishing you a happy birthday for 1. I wanted to do it in person when I giv...
Gout, Johnny Morris, and no fear of the law.
Monday May 22, 2017. Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Today was a long run, so we have plenty of content, lets dive into it! "I already thought jumping off the bridge was against the law so I'm not scared" "I got caught jumping off the bridge into Lake Springfield and that's against the law but we didn't get in trouble for it" Ah yes, a classic "I got caught but I didn't get in any trouble" claim! No one can sweet talk them coppers like our dearest Presto. It must be because of this special skill that he has no fear of blatantly breaking city ordinances that are heavily enforced. *Stops in the middle of an actual road with traffic (yes, the MIDDLE) to take his shoe and sock off to unwrap his foot that he insisted the trainer wrap, catches back up with the group* "Yeah the trainer used some name fo...