The Robots are Coming and NO You're Not as Sweet as Preston's Mother
Tuesday May 23, 2017.
Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Full disclosure, you will probably want to take a shower after reading this post.
Today we'll be doing a FULL breakdown of a happy birthdaymessage book sent by Presto himself to his current romantic interest. We would like to ease your worries; no sane woman (or man??) has any feelings for Presto.
Before we start our breakdown, we need to appreciate the romantic genius that thisman "man" possesses. Rather than telling this girl happy birthday ON her actual birthday (this is a thing of the past my friends, please, get with the times) he decided the best course of action was to wait until 12:24 A.M the following morning/night. Anyways, lets get started.
Before I start I wanna say no I didn't forget about wishing you a happy birthday for 1. I wanted to do it in person when I give you all your gifts and 2. I've been thinking all day long in how to wish a perfect girl happy birthday?? So here's my best shot I mean everything that I say I hope you like it! 😅
Oh boy oh boy. I feel like it's important to preface this by mentioning that he's "liked" this girl for maybe two whole weeks. How many gifts does he have for her? We don't know because he didn't actually give them to her. Maybe Preston just isn't very good at birthdays, so lets at least give him his best shot and hear him out here.
Happy birthday to the definition of cute!
Worth mentioning, this girl is indeed not a dictionary page but give him some style points here at least.
Cuz there is nothing about you that isn't, you even seam to make not shaving your legs cute! You are literally cute 24/7 even when you aren't trying to be!
Preston really thinks this girl is cute, like he really thinks it you guys. I don't know if "cute" is really the most effective word to go with here, but (if this seems like reckless speculation, it's because it is) lets consider the fact that thisman "man" has done some borderline homosexual things before. Men (generally) have hairy legs, so maybe he thinks he needs a girl with the same, I'm just throwing around ideas here. I feel like this is also a good time for us to gaze upon Preston's legs:
Mmmmmm
You also have the best smile in the world it is unparalleled, it's so pure if it doesn't make someone else smile they are most likely a robot!
Please, do not panic. You may be a robot. This is not the end for you, you can still live a normal life. We don't even know how many people may be robots. Preston is really onto something here, and I think we should commend him for uncovering a serious (and scary) problem in our society. Please do us all a favor and take this test to find out if you are indeed a robot.
Also, more style points for the use of "unparalleled".
Best of all though is the fact that none of that above even matters, because when I take one look at your personality it blows everything else out of the water!
Things that can blow other things out of the water:
-Missiles
-Submarines
-Fighter Jets
-Bombs?
-Robots
-PERSONALITY
You are one of if not the sweetest person I've ever met! ( my mom being the sweetest) You're always super nice to me!
Nothin like a good ol boy who loves fishin, handjobs, and his mama. (Possibly all the same time. I'm sorry for that image in your mind now.) Also:
Super nice
One of my favorite things is that you always brighten everyone else's day no matter what you always make people smile and laugh! And best of all you're the greatest friend anyone could ever as for! You're so unbelievably trust worthy and loyal it blows me away I've never had someone that is there for me like you are I can't thank you enough for that!
I don't have much to say here, except for the fact that you're reading this right now... So you can make your own decision about how aware Presto may be about what is actually going on.
I just wish I could be the same for you like I said earlier you're perfect and I'd want no one else in my life cuz there is simply no one as good as you! So yet again Happy Birthday [Redacted]!😃❤
The part I find most curious about this last part is the "So yet again" because this was most definitely the first and only time he told her happy birthday. Not to mention, he was about 24 minutes late with it anyways.
Ok so let's regroup. Obviously he really thinks he likes this girl. Nothing wrong in that. Nothing wrong in giving someone compliments either, especially on their birthday! But coming from a 17 year old boy, this is kinda ridiculous. This girl doesn't make it seem like she likes him, and while you're laughing at this, consider the fact that he seems lonely, and what if this was you...?
lol jk he's a creep
BONUS QUESTION ANSWER!
Sadly, Preston has not said this (that we know of). To make up for it, here is a man who has actually caught a shark (wearing a Bass Pro hat! Preston's good friend Johnny Morris would be proud):
Welcome to "Actual Things Preston Said", a daily blog where we will be recapping and archiving the outlandish claims made by our favorite noodle head. Full disclosure, you will probably want to take a shower after reading this post.
Today we'll be doing a FULL breakdown of a happy birthday
Before we start our breakdown, we need to appreciate the romantic genius that this
Before I start I wanna say no I didn't forget about wishing you a happy birthday for 1. I wanted to do it in person when I give you all your gifts and 2. I've been thinking all day long in how to wish a perfect girl happy birthday?? So here's my best shot I mean everything that I say I hope you like it! 😅
Oh boy oh boy. I feel like it's important to preface this by mentioning that he's "liked" this girl for maybe two whole weeks. How many gifts does he have for her? We don't know because he didn't actually give them to her. Maybe Preston just isn't very good at birthdays, so lets at least give him his best shot and hear him out here.
Happy birthday to the definition of cute!
Worth mentioning, this girl is indeed not a dictionary page but give him some style points here at least.
Cuz there is nothing about you that isn't, you even seam to make not shaving your legs cute! You are literally cute 24/7 even when you aren't trying to be!
Preston really thinks this girl is cute, like he really thinks it you guys. I don't know if "cute" is really the most effective word to go with here, but (if this seems like reckless speculation, it's because it is) lets consider the fact that this
You also have the best smile in the world it is unparalleled, it's so pure if it doesn't make someone else smile they are most likely a robot!
Please, do not panic. You may be a robot. This is not the end for you, you can still live a normal life. We don't even know how many people may be robots. Preston is really onto something here, and I think we should commend him for uncovering a serious (and scary) problem in our society. Please do us all a favor and take this test to find out if you are indeed a robot.
Also, more style points for the use of "unparalleled".
Best of all though is the fact that none of that above even matters, because when I take one look at your personality it blows everything else out of the water!
Things that can blow other things out of the water:
-Missiles
-Submarines
-Fighter Jets
-Bombs?
-Robots
-PERSONALITY
You are one of if not the sweetest person I've ever met! ( my mom being the sweetest) You're always super nice to me!
Nothin like a good ol boy who loves fishin, handjobs, and his mama. (Possibly all the same time. I'm sorry for that image in your mind now.) Also:
Super nice
One of my favorite things is that you always brighten everyone else's day no matter what you always make people smile and laugh! And best of all you're the greatest friend anyone could ever as for! You're so unbelievably trust worthy and loyal it blows me away I've never had someone that is there for me like you are I can't thank you enough for that!
I don't have much to say here, except for the fact that you're reading this right now... So you can make your own decision about how aware Presto may be about what is actually going on.
I just wish I could be the same for you like I said earlier you're perfect and I'd want no one else in my life cuz there is simply no one as good as you! So yet again Happy Birthday [Redacted]!😃❤
The part I find most curious about this last part is the "So yet again" because this was most definitely the first and only time he told her happy birthday. Not to mention, he was about 24 minutes late with it anyways.
Ok so let's regroup. Obviously he really thinks he likes this girl. Nothing wrong in that. Nothing wrong in giving someone compliments either, especially on their birthday! But coming from a 17 year old boy, this is kinda ridiculous. This girl doesn't make it seem like she likes him, and while you're laughing at this, consider the fact that he seems lonely, and what if this was you...?
lol jk he's a creep
BONUS QUESTION ANSWER!
A.) "Yeah my grandpa caught a shark one time"
B.) "Yeah I made it to Branson in 15 mins one time"
C.) "Yeah I'm going to get a D1 football scholarship"
D.) "I'm too poor to go to a football combine"
WRAP WATCH!
Yesterday we told you about how Preston stopped in the middle of the road during a workout to remove his socks and shoes and take off his foot wrap. Today he had the foot wrapped by the trainer again. Luckily (for the wrap) it made it through the workout today before Presto removed it. We will keep you updated on this situation as the week goes on.
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